It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
