she was so not down for the gang bang
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
