dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
