so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
