A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
