Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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