It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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