Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize