i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They have beer where we have blood.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize