so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
