i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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