wat bout pragnant strippers??
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
