I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
