Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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