census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
