you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
