My room smells like vodka and shame
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
