I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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