Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
