I feel like abortions should bother me more
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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