birth control should be required to get into college
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's get the cat blown out
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
