my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
