cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
