this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
