Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
