ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
