so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
