How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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