Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh god it's open bar.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
