It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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