I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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