try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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