I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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