i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
