listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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