we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
