I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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