Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
