Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
