I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
