he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
