If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
