Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
