My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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