I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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