no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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