he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize