Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
