She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
