new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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