I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize