obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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