Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You need Xanax blowdarts
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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