Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
