Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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