you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
