vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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