well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
