This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
