My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
