jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
