I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
