cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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