what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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