Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
