Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
