mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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