i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
