So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
